Trauma
by Unknown-Wisdom
Summary: Songfic; V/H...kinda, A look at Hitomi's reaction to the stress of constant visions and the war on Gaea, dark.


Trauma  
  
  
  
AN: This is a sonfic that takes place while Hitomi's is still on Gaea, close to the ending of the series when the gang are in Asturia waiting for the start of the final battle. The song is 'Zombies' by the Cranberries. If you've ever heard the song you'll know exactly where I'm coming from but if you haven't I'm gonna try to explain her feeling's as best I can.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.  
  
Hitomi closed the door to her room as quietly as she could. Knowing that Van's room in the Asturian castle was next to her's and that he would worry if he spotted her leaving the safety of the castle in the middle of the night.  
  
She picked up her pace slightly as she passed Allen's room. He was the last person she wanted to see. Her mind was so full of confused thought and feelings. All she wanted was to run. To free her mind, if only for a few seconds, of all the hurt she felt.  
  
Another head hangs lowly  
Child is slowly taken  
And the violence caused such silence  
Who are we mistaken....  
  
So much pain. Ever since she had arrived on this strange and magical world that was all she had seen. So much death and destruction. The sounds of people suffering, dieing, rang in her ears. How could everyone go on, knowing that every wrong decision meant another innocent life lost?  
  
But you see it's not me  
It's not my family  
In you're head, in you're head   
They are fighting....  
  
Her visions were slowly become more painful. Ever so slowly they had started to linger more and more in her young mind. She didn't know how much more she could take.   
  
Hitomi came to a halt and realised that she was out in the open. The cool night air blew around her, as if in an effort to comfort her. Closing her eyes she remembered the reason she was out here and not in a warm bed, sleeping soundly.   
  
With their tanks and their bombs  
And their bombs and their guns  
In your head, in your head  
They are crying....  
  
She had seen it, the final battle, yet the outcome was still unclear. She had stood watching, just watching the people of Gaea fighting. The blood had been everywhere, drenching the once pure ground, but still they had carried on. Killing each other. Cold blooded murder.  
  
In your head, in your head  
Zombie Zombie Zombie  
What's in your head, in your head?  
Zombie Zombie Zombie...  
  
Without a second thought Hitomi broke into a run. She felt hot tears running down her cheeks but her speed didn't waver. Being a sprinter, not a long distance runner meant that she wouldn't be able to keep her fast speed up for long but she didn't care. Just didn't care.  
  
Another mother's breakin'  
Heart is taking over  
When the violence causes silence  
We must be mistaken...  
  
There must be another way. Why must the problems on Gaea be solved by fighting? Mass murder?   
  
The muscles in her legs started to burn, but still she kept running. What was her pain compared to the thousands of lives that had been taken, partly by her hand? It was her fault. Would this have happened if she hadn't come? The fall of Faneila, The battle at Freid, would it still have happened if she had not been at the track that evening? All she had wanted was a stupid kiss from a crush. How selfish.  
  
It's the same old theme since 1916  
In your head, in your head  
They're still fightin'  
With their tanks and their bombs  
And their bombs and their guns  
In your head, in your head  
They are dying...  
  
Her lungs where now burning to. She had to stop, Her legs gave way and Hitomi barely felt herself fall to the ground. With her head on the hard stone witch had now become her bed she didn't hold back. The stone soon became stained with the liquid that sprang so freely from the emerald eyes of a girl that felt nothing but pain and guilt.  
  
In your head, in your head  
Zombie Zombie Zombie  
What's in your head, in your head  
Zombie Zombie Zombie.  
  
And as he turned a corner, heading back to the castle, that's how Van Fanel found her. Hitomi heard him call her name and run over to her. She didn't even bother hiding her tears as he scooped her up in his arms. Hitomi held on to him as tight as she could but his warmth did little to comfort her. Van only heard her whisper four words as her tears came to a halt and she fell asleep in his arms.  
  
What have I done? 


End file.
